i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
