You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
