no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm just crazy horny about you
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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