I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
