The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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