Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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