I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize