I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
