I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
