Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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