Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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