we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
