Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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