my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
