can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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