Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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