I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
