Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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