Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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