someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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