it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
