I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
