I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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