Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
