i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
