Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my shit smells like andre
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
