the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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