Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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