ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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