I can tuck mytits in my pants
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
