i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
