So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
