please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
operation harelip BJ is a go
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
