I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's rum buckets o'clock
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
