dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
