My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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