I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I touched a dick in church today
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
