u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
