she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
