Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
