Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We got so high we made milksteak
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
