We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
