I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Randomize
