My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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