I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
