so explain again why im purple
no
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
