Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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