My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
