i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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