just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
