im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize