forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
