He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
