i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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