..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
