I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
