i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
