you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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