You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
