You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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