I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
