The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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