I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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