I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
