I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize