My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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