i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Randomize
