His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
