My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize