evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My life is pants optional.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
