While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
