Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
