You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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