omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
