i love accidental penises.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
